Chief Illiniwek Supporters Tired
of Activist's Intolerance
by Ball Kicker
The University of Illinois men's basketball team's loss to Clemson last month marked the end of another unsuccessful season for the Illini. Following the game, table 9 at Chugs and Jugs Bar and Grill placed the blame on the lack of Chief Illiniwek, the former UI mascot. Alum Carter Mackenzie, his son Thad and other members of the Alpha Alpha Alpha fraternity discussed the injustice of the racist mascot's absence.
Carter Mackenzie, who owns a car dealership and resides in Evanston, Ill., claimed “they took away the Chief in 2007 and we haven't had a winning season since. It's brutal what we have been robbed of.” The rest of the group agreed, lacking empathy and a firm grasp on history. He added, “It's a shame I can't share with my son years of ignorant and prejudiced tradition.”
The younger Mackenzie, a UI student in the M.B.A program, discussed his frustration. “I don't understand what the problem is,” Thad Mackenzie said. “The Indians are honored. They love that we are ripping off a sacred spiritual practice from the Sioux, promoting it as from the Illini tribe and having it dance like a monkey at our basketball and football games.”
“I am so damn sick and tired of hearing the sacrilegious argument,” declared an angry Carter Mackenzie. “It's not a religion but a bunch of old pagan beliefs used previous to our introduction of real religion and the right God. America was founded on Christianity.”
“And their blood,” chuckled Bennett Thornton, a past resident of the Alpha Alpha Alpha house, who also resides in Evanston and is Carter Mackenzie's business partner. Thornton joked, “We've been trying to tell the Indians for hundreds of years that their feelings don't matter to us. You think they'd listen by now.”
After a good laugh, Carter spoke again, this time with a message of hope for the suffering Illiniwek fans. “I gave a hefty check to a friend in the state assembly and another to the U of I athletic department. Someday our Chief will return, the curse will be lifted and honor will be restored to the University of Illinois.”