YOUR KID ISN'T SPECIAL:
The Harm in Raising Princesses and Superheroes
by Emily Fultz
Hey,
parents!
We know that to you, your kid is the coolest, most special kid in the world. But to the rest of us, lil Madycynlyn Chlamydia is NOT a princess and lil Maxdraydyn Bartholomewlysses is NOT a super hero.
SO STOP BUYING INTO ALL THAT SHIZ!
I get it. You want what’s best for your child. You want them to have all the plastic crap your parents never bought you. You always wanted to be a superhero so you could fly away from your parents who made you bathe every once in awhile. You wish your parents told you that you were their princess, instead of making you rake leaves like a common laborer.
Here’s the problem, though: YOU AREN’T HELPING YOUR CHILD DEVELOP AN APPROPRIATE SENSE OF IDENTITY. YOU AREN’T HELPING THEM UNDERSTAND WHO THEY REALLY ARE. YOU AREN’T HELPING THEM RELATE TO THE REST OF HUMANITY.
Let’s break this down; ladies first.
In reality, being a princess means that as a woman, your identity is a reflection of who your parents are and/or who you marry. Great idea, society! Let’s mindlessly perpetuate the patriarchal bullshit we’ve been trying to rid ourselves of since the beginning of time. Telling girls they are princesses means that their worth relies on who is in their lives, not what they accomplish as autonomous individuals.
So how does this disillusioned sense of being royalty affect a girl in the long run? Um, have you ever tried to interact with a girl who has been told she’s a princess her whole life? Not. Fun. Welcome to a delusional, inflated sense of self.
When a girl is told she’s more special than every other girl, this creates distance in relationships. It creates a sense of hierarchy among people that doesn’t need to be there. Why should she share her toys? She’s a princess. Why shouldn’t she get a trophy just for participating? She’s a princess. Why should she wait in line? She’s a princess. Why should she go to jail for vehicular manslaughter? She’s a princess.
No. She’s a human being, just like everyone else; and so is that superhero son of yours.
I’ll try to put this lightly: your son doesn’t have superpowers. Nope. None. Not right now anyway. Like your daughter, he could become very skilled at something important, but that requires work, time, and motivation. He is not special simply by being born to royalty or on the planet Klepto (or wherever Superman is from). Your son doesn’t need to save girls from villains, because if we stopped telling girls they were demure little princesses, maybe they would start saving themselves. That’s a lot of pressure for a boy to grow up under, saving women and the world from some clearly stated evil.
Herein lies the biggest issue that I have with the whole superhero deal: it teaches kids that they are the good guys and they have to destroy the bad guys. This game totally ignores the fact that all issues in life are gray areas. Maybe if all the little boys who grew up to be big boys that now lead nations weren’t taught all these violent good guys vs. bad guys games, our current global situation would be a bit less tense. Cap’n Murica Fightin TERROR! Dun DUN DUNNN! MUST SAVE PLANET FROM EVIL ABSTRACT IDEA!!
Encouraging children to be superhuman or royalty is, in a sense, telling them that being themselves is not enough. This is detrimental to their sense of self, and to humanity as a whole. We force children into gender roles before they can even express themselves. We tell them that they are extra-ordinary and then, when they turn out to be ordinary, they are faced with disappointment.
Can’t being a multi-faceted, everyday, run-of-the-mill, flawed human being be enough? Because, guess what? That’s all we are, and that is magical in and of itself.
Let children find what’s magical on their own. Let them create and discover their own identity. Trust me, they’d much rather play with the empty canvass of a giant cardboard box than a plastic person they are supposed to emulate. Be aware of the unrealistic roles the media and you as a consumerist parent are thrusting on your children. Teach them that they are special, just like everyone else.
We know that to you, your kid is the coolest, most special kid in the world. But to the rest of us, lil Madycynlyn Chlamydia is NOT a princess and lil Maxdraydyn Bartholomewlysses is NOT a super hero.
SO STOP BUYING INTO ALL THAT SHIZ!
I get it. You want what’s best for your child. You want them to have all the plastic crap your parents never bought you. You always wanted to be a superhero so you could fly away from your parents who made you bathe every once in awhile. You wish your parents told you that you were their princess, instead of making you rake leaves like a common laborer.
Here’s the problem, though: YOU AREN’T HELPING YOUR CHILD DEVELOP AN APPROPRIATE SENSE OF IDENTITY. YOU AREN’T HELPING THEM UNDERSTAND WHO THEY REALLY ARE. YOU AREN’T HELPING THEM RELATE TO THE REST OF HUMANITY.
Let’s break this down; ladies first.
In reality, being a princess means that as a woman, your identity is a reflection of who your parents are and/or who you marry. Great idea, society! Let’s mindlessly perpetuate the patriarchal bullshit we’ve been trying to rid ourselves of since the beginning of time. Telling girls they are princesses means that their worth relies on who is in their lives, not what they accomplish as autonomous individuals.
So how does this disillusioned sense of being royalty affect a girl in the long run? Um, have you ever tried to interact with a girl who has been told she’s a princess her whole life? Not. Fun. Welcome to a delusional, inflated sense of self.
When a girl is told she’s more special than every other girl, this creates distance in relationships. It creates a sense of hierarchy among people that doesn’t need to be there. Why should she share her toys? She’s a princess. Why shouldn’t she get a trophy just for participating? She’s a princess. Why should she wait in line? She’s a princess. Why should she go to jail for vehicular manslaughter? She’s a princess.
No. She’s a human being, just like everyone else; and so is that superhero son of yours.
I’ll try to put this lightly: your son doesn’t have superpowers. Nope. None. Not right now anyway. Like your daughter, he could become very skilled at something important, but that requires work, time, and motivation. He is not special simply by being born to royalty or on the planet Klepto (or wherever Superman is from). Your son doesn’t need to save girls from villains, because if we stopped telling girls they were demure little princesses, maybe they would start saving themselves. That’s a lot of pressure for a boy to grow up under, saving women and the world from some clearly stated evil.
Herein lies the biggest issue that I have with the whole superhero deal: it teaches kids that they are the good guys and they have to destroy the bad guys. This game totally ignores the fact that all issues in life are gray areas. Maybe if all the little boys who grew up to be big boys that now lead nations weren’t taught all these violent good guys vs. bad guys games, our current global situation would be a bit less tense. Cap’n Murica Fightin TERROR! Dun DUN DUNNN! MUST SAVE PLANET FROM EVIL ABSTRACT IDEA!!
Encouraging children to be superhuman or royalty is, in a sense, telling them that being themselves is not enough. This is detrimental to their sense of self, and to humanity as a whole. We force children into gender roles before they can even express themselves. We tell them that they are extra-ordinary and then, when they turn out to be ordinary, they are faced with disappointment.
Can’t being a multi-faceted, everyday, run-of-the-mill, flawed human being be enough? Because, guess what? That’s all we are, and that is magical in and of itself.
Let children find what’s magical on their own. Let them create and discover their own identity. Trust me, they’d much rather play with the empty canvass of a giant cardboard box than a plastic person they are supposed to emulate. Be aware of the unrealistic roles the media and you as a consumerist parent are thrusting on your children. Teach them that they are special, just like everyone else.