The Liberal Arts Department in the Lincoln School of Learning at Illinois University invites applications for a full-time, one-year appointment as a Visiting Adjunct Lecturer to teach Critical Analysis and Writing. The position is responsible for teaching three sections of five very different classes each week, for researching and submitting grant applications, for serving as primary educational advisor to and departmental contact for 150 undergraduate students who know they were promised to be treated much better than this in the promotional brochures they received, and to provide tissues, psychological services, and “can do” optimism to these same students juggling work and class schedules as they move toward joblessness and deep student loan debt (inescapable even in bankruptcy) upon graduation.
Required experience: PhD in hand from an accredited institution; college-level teaching experience with excellent evaluation scores; demonstrated ability to bring in corporate and foundation funding as we continue to team with legislators and business leaders to encourage the state to dismantle public education and to hand publicly-funded resources and institutions over to private entities interested in cultivating a poor, insecure, fearful, envious populace that blames one another for its lack of social mobility; willingness to feel and to be dead inside. Salary will be commensurate with experience, and, in keeping with the field, will enable candidate to enjoy food stamps and other generous social services.
Please submit your cover letter along with a curriculum vitae, official transcripts, a written statement disavowing socialism, and three letters of recommendation by May 1, 2014 to www.interfolio.com/lincolnschool.
Visit our website to see other tenure track positions posted for our new university concentrations in Corporate History, Writing for Social Media, Educational Testing, Educational Administration, Educational Entrepreneurialism, YouTube Real-Life Animation, Surveillance Research & Design, Mass Media, Insurance Advocacy, Donor Development, Petroleum Dispersant Engineering, Military Robot Engineering, Chemical Science Engineering, and Law.
Summer project intern needed at Marshall, Marshall, and Smith. You will be hired as project staff, but charged with the essential filing and administrative work that we used to give to our paid assistants and secretaries before we fired them all when we realized that neurotic young people seeking work experience would do these things well for free. Experience in project management, public relations, bookkeeping, desktop publishing, graphic design, technical writing, and marketing is required, as is a bachelor’s degree, demonstrable personal traits of responsibility, reliability, and loyalty, and a car.
37-hour work week. No benefits. We will pay you in the rich educational and life experiences offered by being associated with us. To receive consideration, all applications must be hand-delivered to our offices by April 15, 2014 containing a cover letter, transcripts, resume, a 600-word essay explaining the type of leaf you would be if you were a leaf, your Facebook login and password, four chocolate bars (at least three with nuts), 22 letters of recommendation, a hand-made friendship bracelet, two pure-bred puppies -- no hounds --, and $30 to cover processing and review fees.
At Marshall, Marshall, and Smith, we take to heart the motto of Facebook, Twitter, and other Web 2.0 portals: You do it, We profit. Apply today to have the opportunity to be a valued member of our team!
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